“Tu es sola?” asks the tipsy man sitting down the bar from me. I had just ordered my glass of wine, proud that I had stayed up late enough to get something to eat in Huescar. It is not the drink I had wanted, it was the tapas. Little delicious snacks that come free with a two dollar glass of wine. Get two glasses and it is a meal. Delicious and the cheapest thing going.
“Where is your husband?” He slurs in half broken english/spanish. I show him my ring and resolutely open my book. Of course that doesn’t stop him. He leans towards me, “Tu es muy bonita.” And just like that, a perfectly good evening ruined. When my food comes, the 22-year-old waiter rolls his eyes at the man and shrugs a sorry to me, but he is too young to know what to do. So, instead of enjoying myself, I slug back the wine, inhale the snack and ask for the check. The waiter tells me it has been paid. This doesn’t feel nice, it feels possessive. “Have another.”my new pal urges arching his eyebrows.
How is this nice? It is so annoying that I have to constantly have my guard up and be on the defensive when I travel alone. Last night was small potatoes, but it speaks to a larger fear.
Traveling alone is great, but I spend a lot of time being afraid of men. I am not afraid of being robbed; take my stuff, I know I will be get home. I am not afraid of crashing; that can happen anywhere. I am afraid of aggressive men. Sexually aggressive. Do you know how many beautiful moments I have wasted, thinking “I have to get out of here, a man might come and I am all alone.”
It seems crazy, but I am sure many women feel similarly. I want to sit in a bar, camp by myself and walk alone at night without fear. Maybe someday.
Today, I spent the day alone, climbing through the Sagre mountains, across high arid deserts for 55 miles on a little paved road that cut through vast agricultural fields full of dry soil and rock. I pedaled through ghost towns, whole villages where everyone had abandoned their homes long ago. I wondered about their stories, who left first? Who left last?
Eight cars passed me all day, and a few shepards with large flocks of sheep. It was otherworldly.
I have landed in Caravaca, sunburned and exhausted, I hope I can stay up late enough for dinner tonight. Don’t worry for me, that is not the point. I can stay safe—I just don’t want to have to try.
I will post my whole route on Komoot when I am finished in case anybody wants to see all these things for themselves!
Oh gosh, not a good way to end your day! 🙁 🙁 Very annoying, but the guy had too much to drink and is a bother. Hopefully you were able to get away without much further annoyances and to be safe where you were camping.
Yes, and this is something men just don’t really experience or understand. I can’t go paint alone somewhere without fear.
Very annoying and irritating that you had to deal with his unwanted advances. Unfortunate way to spoil a good evening. Glad you were able to get away from him. Stay safe and please keep posting.
I don’t worry for you (well, maybe a little bit!) but I do get infuriated for you. I’m glad you handled it well and I hope you have tapas in peace tonight. The idea of pedaling through that flock of sheep, by the way, seems idyllic.
Leah, I am so sorry that you and other women lead lives where this is nearly a standard operating procedure. In conducting corporate “Sexual Harassment Training” over the years, some men were “shocked” to learn the extra energy women had to expend even in the privacy of their cars at stop lights, when walking to from their cars at shopping malls, going from one level to another in parking garages, etc. It sucks and it’s a “tax” and danger you obviously shouldn’t have to put up with.
So sorry you have to think about staying safe and that you have to deal with inappropriate, drunk men. I continue to be in awe of you and your journey, your confidence, and your willingness to risk.
Unfortunately that happened. It happens in the USA too but not as often. Alcohol and a woman alone seems to be fair game for some men and maybe more so in other cultures. Stay safe and enjoy your trip 🩷
Sorry your Odyssey was marred by a drunk with too much testosterone and too few brains. Good that you made short work of a really unpleasant incident and that you are SAFE. It’s so sad that women must endure such unwanted encounters; I’m glad you have the perspective that keeps you going.
I hear you, sister. Traveling alone can be so wonderful but being a woman alone comes with always having to scope out men who might be a potential threat. This is a world wide problem. The older I get the less it happens and the happier I am. Enjoy yourself and know you are not alone.