Changing Gears

Sea Kayaking in Casco Bay

This week marks a year since Oakley and I returned from our three month cycling trip across the United States, and to celebrate… we signed a book contract!

“Changing Gears” will be out sometime next year. It will chronicle many of Oakley’s and my adventures, but also dive deeper into parenting, finding hope in the face of challenge and the importance of committing to what is important in one’s life.

I am incredibly lucky to have gotten the chance to take this adventure and to write this book and to get to feel the way I do. I am also incredibly grateful for all the support I have received along the way. The editor from the publishing agency that signed my book told me that the ongoing interest in my blog tipped the scales in favor of publishing me. I know the support I have received tipped the scales in favor of much more than that. So, thank you. Really.

As Oakley and I began our recent Wednesday Adventure, tensions were running high. We sea-kayaked around Casco Bay and visited a few islands, trying to take advantage of the warm ocean temperatures while we have them. It was a mostly silent paddle. Not that there is anything wrong with that. In fact, I welcomed it.

We have been together nearly 24 hours a day since Covid-19 began and with Oakley’s learning profile, distance learning means having your mother at zero distance away. This makes for some friction between us. I get it, he is 17 and there I am, telling him to turn the page, sit back down, pay attention and get off his phone throughout the school day and beyond. What could be more annoying?

To top it off, I spend my days watching his jittery knees stuffed under his desk and see his muscles literally quiver like a horse fighting off flies as he tries to manage to stay still. I see him flip his hair and scratch at his skin as if this experience is causing a terrible rash. It is painful to watch. When it all gets too much he lashes out. He yells often, sometimes it is pointed at me, but more often it is just into the air, like frustration overload.

This period of time reminds me of the wind in Kansas. It was relentless and day after day it would pummel us, turning our eyes grainy and red, throwing grit in our mouths and making any forward gain cost four times the effort it should have. Boy, did we get on each other’s nerves then! I remember Oakley shouting at me and me shouting back and then apologizing to each other many times a day. It seemed like it would never end. That we would never get anywhere.

I also remember the moments when we would awake to silence in the morning, in the lull before the daily wind blew up, and the quiet would feel so loud. It was as if you could hold it. We savored it.

Now on our paddle, I hear that same quiet and realize that sometimes our adventures are just that, respites from the relentlessness of the wind, from red-rimmed computer eyes, from stagnation, from the frustration of trying so hard and seeming to get nowhere, and from all the crazy making annoyances that we experience as we slog our way through the time of Covid.

I will take the quiet. I will hold it. I will use it to mentally prepare for the next big wind. Maybe that is what Oakley is doing up there ahead in his boat, as he tries hard to put some distance between us.

43 thoughts on “Changing Gears”

  1. This blog says everything about why you will be published. Such beautiful, thoughtful writing. Thank you! And congrats!

  2. Paddle pondering is a mirror to my pedal pondering enjoy these moments with him you are a great warrior mom to be reckoned with.

    1. I will do anything outside for these moments. Without a little ponder, I would go crazy. Thank you!

  3. There is the true belief of the pilgrim in what you write bound up in the heart and hope of the world! Keep believing, keep writing!😘

  4. Excellent! I would like a signed copy and you to read me a chapter before bed every night. Can that be arranged?

  5. congrats! on the book deal! we’ll be watching. and today’s blog really moving me. the silences you describe are deafening! you know what i mean. and oakley’s skin jittering; i can see it.
    well done, bikemum! keep going…
    ur fan
    j.

    1. Thank you! Twain just told me about your connection. He says you are a really great guy. I believe it.

  6. Congratulaions on the book deal.I enjoy your excellent writing so much, and understand your work with Oakley. You are a terrific example to mothers with similarly affected children. Amazing stamina!

    1. Thank you Sara. I love hearing about your adventures too…and \your mom is really sweet. I feel like she is pure kindness.

  7. When your child begins to put distance between you, you only need that thread attached to each other’s heart to bring you back together. You have made that string strong.

  8. OMG I am so excited for you about the book deal I don’t even know what else I read :))
    Congratulations!!!! Will happily promote the heck out of you xoxo

  9. Great read as always. Congratulations on your book! I can’t wait to read it and continue to be inspired by you and Oakley. You are lucky to have found each other (somedays). Keep on slogging through the COVID wind.

  10. SO glad you are writing a book! Now the world can have the enjoyment of following your journey as we have been lucky to. Be proud of the two of you!

  11. Congratulations on your book contract! I have thoroughly enjoyed your blogs and the comments from both of you when on your travels via the bikes. A day on the water is a wonderful bonding even if you are not sharing conversation….and he IS learning.

  12. Congratulations on the book deal!! Looking forward to read it.
    I have so enjoyed your blog. The way you and Oakley write I get to live your adventures along with you. Keep up the good work and enjoy all of the adventures. What great memories you have built.

  13. Very happy to hear you’ve made a book deal. As I’ve read your blogs on your travel last year across the country with Oakley, I’ve thought what a good book this would make. Congrats on getting the contract! I have loved and still love reading your entries even though I haven’t taken the time to comment! Your adventures have been so interesting and inspiring!

  14. Congratulations on the book deal!!!
    Lots of work ahead but cannot wait to hear it’s out to read.
    Your writing is exemplary!

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