Here we go again.
I am safe and warm, sitting at my dining room table on the first wet, raw day of autumn. My toes are a bit damp from shuffling through the wet grass on a dog walk that I took several hours ago-other than that I am dry and feeling rather contented.
I have the house to myself and, truth be told, just binge-watched my secret addiction, “Grey’s Anatomy.” I am embarrassed to admit that publicly. It is my Diet Pepsi-sweet and full of saccharin with absolutely zero health benefits-but I find it delicious just the same.
My dogs are sleeping on the couch, which I allow to happen when my husband is not home and one of them,Georgie, is kicking his feet spasmodically in his sleep, chasing a chipmunk, I am sure. I have all this, yet I am choosing to leave it again.
On January 3rd, I will fly to Montevideo, Uruguay and attempt to bicycle solo from there, across the grassy Pampas, up over the Andes, and down to the coast of Chili. Hopefully I will cycle 1,350 miles and this time, I am going alone.
I have a rudimentary, if that, understanding of Spanish, I have never been to South America, and I am making up the route based on researching blogs of people who have gone before me and studying maps. There are no guide books for this adventure. I am flinging myself out there again, and tonight, it feels like I am wearing a reversible shirt-one that can change from fear and anxiety to excitement and gratefulness in the wisp of a breeze.
One of my children questioned my motives for this trip recently, and for that I love them. They questioned why I feel compelled to up the anti and go so far and so alone. Why I feel driven to feel afraid rather than safe. Why I don’t allow myself to just feel comfortable. These are great questions, and after thinking about them, here are my answers.
Life is dangerous business. The provincial trip to the grocery store could get you killed. An aneurysm could stop you in your tracks. Cancer lurks. There is plenty to be afraid of. But, I don’t want unfounded fear to keep me tethered and hold me back from engaging with this world.
At 53 years old, I feel like I have been given a gift. The hot flashes that burned through me during menopause ignited something. They woke me up, shouting, “Now is the time! Wake up! What next? What will you do with this burning power?” Walking through midlife, I see that there are new choices all around me. My children don’t need me in the same way and there are new career options, new ways to reconnect with what is important, and a chance to reflect. There is also an inner strength and confidence that has grown through navigating life’s challenges. I have learned that I am capable.
I don’t believe that there is anything to fear where I am going that isn’t here. The people in South America are not more dangerous than the people in my own backyard. They are just regular people; dentists and shop clerks, mothers and teachers, children and coaches. The drivers on the roads there are not more uncaring about human life, than drivers here. I would like to meet the people there and see how they live and how they view the world.
The wind does not blow harder in Argentina than in Kansas, nor does the rain fall heavier there than in Oregon. The mountains still rise up from the plains at the same rate whether in the Andes or the Rockies. My legs will get just as tired as they do here. But, it will look different. There will be different plants and animals, different vistas and valleys, and different people.
And why do I want to go alone? So that I don’t make small talk to pass the time, and avoid speaking to strangers. When it comes to speaking a foreign tongue, if given the opportunity, I definitely keep my tongue tied behind tight lips and and insecure grin -I want to have to learn. Going solo will make me have to speak to locals.
Also, being alone will give my mind time to wander and to miss home-which I will-my heart will long for it and longing has it’s own sweetness.
I like picking up a fear and spinning it around and looking at with eyes wide open. Where are the truths and biases there? What is rational and irrational? What dangers do I really avoid by staying here and biking to work every day?
I also know how much more comfortable my couch will be after sitting on rocks for a month and how much warmer hugs will feel after being alone…and how much more I will enjoy Diet Pepsi and “Grey’s Anatomy” after missing them.
I will keep on adventuring and uping the anti so that I keep learning. That is what learning is right? Every test builds on what you learned before.
When I am finished I will come home and I will fall fully into it. I love it here. I love my friends and family and my sleeping dogs. Now though, it is time to study some Spanish.
Good for you Leah! Can’t wait to keep reading your blog and hearing of your adventures.
Love,
Shanna
You are a true adventurer always following those heart felt dreams of the wanderlust. Be safe and keep us posted on where you are and all the adventures you encounter. I’ll continue to keep you in thoughts and prayers.
It should be a beautiful ride, but alone? Take care.
You make me smile.
Leah, your intrepid enthusiasm for exploring is amazing. I am sure you know you will have a huge support team back on Peaks cheering you on and eager to hear all about your travels which I for one could barely contemplate experiencing. How fun to plan, to learn and to dream about what it will all be like come January. Best wishes for your adventure which begins now!
Please be safe and I will keep you in my prayers Leah ,
Dear Bikemum,
You might contact the UKs, Global Cycling Network. What you’re doing is what they love to film. With your cycling background and recent book they might just be interested. Your downside is that you wouldn’t be riding alone.
Just a thought.
Go Bikemum!
You are an inspiration! However right now I’m enjoying my couch my dog and my binge watching. however I did wake up this morning at the beginning of my 79th/80th year and plan to keep a journal for every day, go through any door that is opened and anticipate the arrival of my first grandchild on the first of next year. But I will enjoy following you vicariously On your trip.
Congrats on the courage to pursue such an amazing ride. I’m looking to go solo across America soon.
Stay safe,
Dave
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Leah-You are going to love Southern South America! And summer in the South is best, although maybe crazy hot on the Argentina side. Get south and enjoy it! I love your writing and sensitive thoughts on this part of our lives. If we are not chasing our dreams now, then when? Kudos to Twain for embracing your adventures. None of this is easy. The duty of all of us is to find our dreams, chase them and to help others do same. While being kind along the way. We have some family in Uruguay and a friend or two down there, we’ll send contacts at some point. ¡Salud!
I was laughing in certain places and breathing in hard in other places. All you can do is prepare as well as possible.
I at a later age than yours also want to go abroad and experience different challenges.
Best of luck on your adventure!! I look forward to reading more about the ups, downs, fears overcome, and friendships you make along the way.
Leah, one of your best posts yet; deeply insightful and thought provoking…I am nearly ready to hang a map of your bike trip with Oakley on a wall in our Hungarian high school. I have an approximation of your Trans-America route highlighted in orange marker. I’ve asked the principal, who has the only color printing in the building to copy 6-photos on color for me, including both you and Oakley, amongst others. A 9th grader has developed some bar codes which will allow students to connect to your bike shop, your blog, the book, etc., with their phones. I will what I hope will be thought-provoking questions like, “What your favorite hobby?” and “Would you go on a long bike ride with your mom?” I’ll take some photos when it’s all done.-Steve
Leah,
I love this. What is life if not an adventure? You are a true HSBARS
(Hot Shit Bad Ass Rock Star). We are a small group of women who grab on to life. I too am addicted to Grey’s Anatomy and diet coke, not pepsi. Traveling alone has always brought me joy and knowing you, it will be the same. Looking forward to hearing about the trip.
Yeah! Thank you for this! As my 40’s come to an end it is inspiring to read these posts. Keeps me looking forward instead of back! All my big travel has been solo(even in Central America-broken up with some volunteering) Solo travel presents challenges that travelling with even one other person doesn’t but it also presents opportunity- for exploration, last minute decisions, friendly conversations, extended breaks at beautiful spots… You are preparing for all the what-ifs, and I’m guessing have a solid gut instinct! Safe journey!