Warning: This post contains expletives.
The other day, I was walking through Portland with my dog Georgie. My head was in the clouds and I was in a stupor of exhaustion and smugness. Life has been busy-filled with new beginnings; my book “Changing Gears” is launching, my bike shop, Lighthouse Bikes, is going through its seasonal ramp up and it is spring. Green leaves poking out from their buds, longer days and wisps of warmth demand longer hikes and bike rides and attendant new sore muscles.
In my haze of self satisfaction, I crossed the road in front of me, ten-feet before reaching the crosswalk. I suppose I expected the sparse, lazy traffic to make way for my queenly self. How wrong I was.
“Use the fucking crosswalk, you old bitch!” I spun in my tracks-struck dumb to see a young man, lean out a passenger side window and flip me off. I wave of emotion swept through me.
I stood there, momentarily frozen, while I tried to make sense of what he had just said. He was right-I should have used the crosswalk. “Use the Fing crosswalk!”, that might have been appropriate. And calling me a bitch? Fine-rude but fine. My shock and indignation were really because he had called me old. I have never been called old before-well that is a lie-maybe by my daughter-but I thought she was joking in a teenagery way. His words washed through me. Old. Somebody viewed me as old. Was I old?
I walked the rest of the way home mulling this over and wondering why it bothered me so much and I realized that it was because comparatively, it is true. I am old and in our culture-for a woman especially, that is one ugly thing to be. Not to worry, hot on the heals of this realization I decided that there was only one thing to be done. I was going to reclaim it. Make it mine. Celebrate it for what it truly is.
I AM OLD, and smarter for it and braver, and more compassionate and worldly and eager to engage in life. I AM OLD, and I don’t want to waste a minute of it doing unsatisfying, unimportant things. I AM OLD, and my hormones no longer control the way my body feels and or my emotions. I AM OLD, and I can understand different views and opinions because life has proven to be complicated. I AM OLD, and I have deep and meaningful relationships. I AM OLD, and I am on fire-in more ways than one. And as for being a bitch? Bitches are tough and fierce! You don’t really want to mess with them.
How lucky I am to be both,! I should really be thanking that gentleman for the reminder. I suppose he was really just trying to keep me safe, and shouting out to me of some of my finest assets. He also helped me come up with the title for my next book. I have been ruminating on it for quite some time. It will be about female adventures, midlife changes and aging without shame. A book about many things we never talk about, but it sure would help if we did.
“Old Bitch!” What do you think? I am excited to get started.
Industrialization and the advent of mass marketing in the early 20th century have transformed older folks from wise and revered to no longer useful. Yet another reason why modern life is harmful to humanity.
Doubly and especially for women. But it’s time for us to reclaim it!
Love this! Very empowering! Go Leah go!!
Leah – Excellent !!
Congratulations on your accomplishment of becoming an old bitch! Whenever people yell at me for no real reason I just think how unhappy their lives must be to hate others so much. But you turned it around, nice job!
“Gentleman?” Hah.
Congratulations for turning that ugly experience into a positive.
You’re very kind referring to him as “gentleman” after his rude comments to you. Stay strong vigilant and positive as you show this crazy world what we OLD people can and will do.
after reading this piece and at the end reading
your new title, “Old Bitch,” it gave me my first real laugh
of the day. thank you!
Perfect title for your next book. When I was in college (1977-1981, speaking of old), my dorm section started calling each other Bitch as a term of affection. It was so empowering to turn an insult into love.
I enjoyed this post thoroughly – as I do all of them.
You have stolen my title!
Hah!
Aunt Nancy, in my mind, you’ll NEVER be old. XO
Good for you. Making lemonade out of a lemon!!
I commend you.
Oh, to have more old bitches like you, Leah. And, yes, put a book about the gift of aging and actually being old on your list. Being old gives you time…time to remember, to rejoice, to focus on the here and now and not worry about all the things you cannot fix or repair, to simply take comfort in what you’ve been able to do and put worry in a trash heap! You are an inspiration to me and, I suspect, hordes of others!
A world with more old bitches like you would be wonderful, Leah!
Your comments about aging and being old wonderful…and for one as young as you, really amazing in their comprehension of this great stage of life. Keep writing and publish another book while those of us in our 90’s are around to read it!
I love this, Leah. Well said!
Thank you, Leah. I have looked forward to all your posts but I especially loved this one. I actually AM old so have experienced the indignations as well as the laughs. I can’t wait to read “Old Bitch” :-)!
I see “Changing Gears” can be pre-ordered at Amazon but are you selling directly? or do you support a local bookshop you can recommend instead?
(I learned about you & “bikemum” thru Taryn. I’m married to Julia’s husband Jake’s father, “Doc”, & a huge admirer of Taryn’s art).
Ha! I remember this island girl called me a “wrinkly old bitch” and honestly it was the wrinkly part that hit the hardest and then my heart broke for her, realizing what she has to look forwards to (if she’s lucky)!
The older I get the less I care what people think of me. Each decade is a little freer. The 70’s have been great so far.
You rock at any age. Love the new book title.
You are an exceptional writer and a very unique woman.
Looking forward to getting your book. See you in a couple weeks👍
I love this. Instead of calling myself a wanderer, in future events people ask my what I do I’m going to say an adventurous old bitch.
You fucking rock. This post made my week.