Now I’m on Fire!

No, I don’t mean I’m on fire-like “Look at me go!” I mean, I am on fire like, “I am a sweaty mess.”

All the newness associated with opening a new business, combined with menopause, has left quite the sheen of perspiration from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. I might seem unflappable, but let me tell you, I am flapped.

I am lucky enough to have a generally optimistic outlook, and privileged enough to be able to bounce even when I fall from high heights, but still, change is scary and I am not immune. As happy as I am to be embarking on this new journey with Lighthouse Bikes, I still have a twisted gut and find myself clenching my jaw, perseverating on whether or not changing careers at 52-years-old and trying to build a business from scratch, when I am no market analyst or capitalist, is really the best idea.

Too late now. I have thrown in all my poker chips and am just waiting to see what the cards have in store. Besides, what was the alternative? Choosing safety and prudence and feeling under challanged and flat? I am too young for that.

The truth is, I believe this is the gift of menopause. I know that it is a shameful word in our culture-an embarrassment to step away from youth in such a definitive way, but menopause provides a great reminder that we can be so much more than any one role in our lives and that there are endless possibilities. It seems to me like it is a wake up call to seize the day. It is not only the end of something, it is very much the beginning.

I mean look at all the symptoms of menopause:

Hot flashes that make you want to strip off layers of protective clothing and open doors and windows to feel the cool, deliciously-silky breezes of the night time air.

Interrupted sleep nudging you and saying, “Wake up, don’t miss a thing!”

Emotions rising and falling like breaking waves, screaming, “Feel it! Feel everything!”

The loss of the menstrual cycle that allows you to feel like a 12-year-old again. Free, playful and unencumbered.

All these symptoms encourage us to open up, feel more, do more and begin anew.

I don’t mean to be a pollyanna about all this. It just feels like as a culture we just whisper about it when it should be a shout. “You made it! Now what!”

I have friends that have chosen this time to go back to nursing school. Friends who have left jobs in which they sat all day, to teach Yoga full time. Friends who found the agency in their work positions to take leadership roles. And friends who have finally found the time to return to creating art.

All this change is scary, but change is inevitable and exciting. Stagnation…not so much. So when you see me sweating, and biting my nails, and riding my bike as far and as fast as I can go, please know that I am just on fire, and that is fine with me.