Hold On

Oakley may seem fearless to most, but behind his swagger there are two things that cause him to tremble; horses and heights. So, for today’s adventure we decided to tackle number one.

It is a cold morning and although we are clad in long underwear, hats and down jackets, Oakley is shivering. I wonder if it is the temperature causing these jitters, or if it is his trepidation about finally getting on a horse. Until today, he has never had the opportunity.

A good friend and the owner of some sweet, gentle horses meets us at a barn and after some pleasantries, hands Oaks a shoe pick. “Okay, the first thing you want to do is grab your horses leg and pull it up, like this, and then pick out all the gunk stuck in around the horse shoe. Be careful though, a friend of mine got her tibia shattered the other day when she was doing this to her horse, and she was experienced.”

Oakley looks at me wide-eyed, but nevertheless leans over and tries to lift his horses leg. He manages one, but lacks the confidence to show the horse he is someone to be reckoned with and the horse stubbornly keeps the rest of her hooves planted firmly and the ground. The owner takes over his task.

“That is okay,” she reassures him, “why don’t you brush her?” This is much more Oakley’s speed and he gently runs the curry comb across his horses back, ever mindful to be ready to spring away if need be.

Next, we saddle the horses and awkwardly mount them, looking much more like weeble wobbles than the cowboys we aspire to be. On my first attempt, my horse walks away from the mounting stool prematurely, leaving me dangling off it’s left side and sliding back to the ground. Oaks thinks this is a riot.

Once on, our friend leads us down a wooded trail and our horses gamely follow. The leaves rustle under their feet and their breath makes steamy plumes in the chilly air. Oakley begins to relax and when I look back at him he is grinning.

“So Oakley,” our friend continues, “horses aren’t like bikes or motorcycles. They have minds of their own and won’t always listen to you. If they get spooked by another animal out here, like, god forbid, a moose, or if they hear an odd sound like a cracking branch, they will run. If they do, don’t jump off. They might be running 20 miles an hour, and that is how fast you will hit the ground if you jump. If things get crazy, just hold on and keep riding.”

Again, Oakley’s eyes bug out a bit, but he just nods and clasps the reins a bit tighter. He looks like he is on a first date; not knowing exactly how to hold his body or what to say, but quickly falling in love.

Now that he is all set, I try to relax on my horse. I am not fearful of riding, but my head is full of work stress, family stress and Covid stress all intertwined into an ugly knot.

Lately, I have been feeling more weary about this pandemic and our current political climate. I miss my mother, who needs to remain in isolation, I am tired of counseling via zoom out of my bathroom and I don’t feel like I am very helpful to my clients. The sum of my wisdom has been reduced to “Just hold on, keep doing what you need to to take care of yourself and you will get through this.” Not much different than the advice my friend has just given Oaks.

The day is beautiful and the heat from the horses rises up and warms me. The horses know these trails well and we are free to just let them take us. It isn’t long before I feel my spine rolling gently with the sway of my horse, easing the tension in my neck and shoulders and allowing me to quiet. All I have to do is gently hold on.

So, hold on I will.

When we return to the barn, Oakley slides off his horse and helps take off its tack. He takes a hoof pick and struggles to lift his horses feet to clean them, but he does it. He brushes her coat again and gives her a pat on the rump. Then he jumps in our truck where he is out of ear shot of our friend and it is safe to be uncool. “That was awesome!” he announces.

I agree.