This Fool’s Progress

“Oh my God, I can’t get this freaking pedal back on! Oaks come here, I need your help!”

“I am busy!” shouts Oakley, from the nearby trampoline where he has just completed his 65th backflip. “Watch me!”

“No Oaks, come now. Please!” Oakley hops down gruffly and stomps over. “Here, try to get this pedal back on. I keep trying, and I can’t screw it in.” I need to attach “Power Grip” toe clips to my pedals so I can push down and pull up with them for added leverage as I climb hills and mountains and my bike’s original pedals won’t accommodate them. I just need to swap them out with another recycled pair. How can it be this hard?

Oakley lightly pushes me out of the way. “Move over.” He is annoyed that I have interrupted his jumping, and he is more than a little sick of bicycles, but also a little proud that I needed his help with something mechanical. He tries once–no go–he tries again– “It’s stripped!” he pronounces, and drops the offending pedal on the deck. In seconds, he has bounced back to the trampoline and has executed backflip number 66. I am in this alone.

It can’t be stripped–it looks perfectly good! I kneel down on the deck and try again and again. I try with slightly different angles. With increased pressure, with a light touch. Nothing. I can’t gain any purchase.

Jesus Christ. I wobble off my knees that have begun to ache from being mashed against the wooden planks of the deck and fall to my bum. This is ridiculous. I can’t even put a pedal on. How am I ever going to get across the country? I think of all the people who have commented online about how I am getting in over my head. Those people don’t even know how mechanically uninclined I am!

I admit it. I am all thumbs, and, as I have previously mentioned, not at all detail-oriented. Even trying to tighten the brakes of my bicycle often gives me busted knuckles. I am clumsy, and, honestly, don’t know my left from my right, am one-eyed with no depth perception, and have a tendency to rush in a most unhelpful way. This is going to be tough, but I won’t give up, no matter what!

I crawl back up to my knees and try again two more, three more times….. then I give up.

“Oaks!” I call, “I am walking to the bike shop.” With my head hung low I coast down the hill to Brad’s Bikes. When I arrive, Brad is in the front yard tuning up one of his rentals.

“What’s up?” he says with a wry grin, noticing my obvious discomfort as I stand there, bike in one hand, pedal in the other.

“Brad, I am so embarrassed. This is humiliating. I can’t even put on a pedal.” Brad knows all about this upcoming bike trip. He has been nothing but supportive. I hand him the pedal. He takes it and shakes his head.

“This isn’t humiliating. This is learning.” He explains that one bike pedal is threaded clockwise and the other threaded counterclockwise, so I had been trying to screw one of them in backward the whole time. This is so the pedal won’t unwind itself. He laughs, but kindly as always. In no time at all, we attach the pedal, and I ride back home. Problem solved.

I do worry about my shortcomings on this trip. I do acknowledge that I am a bit half-cocked. I am sure that about Oaks will send me straight to crazy town, but, I will carry Brad’s words with me.

This isn’t humiliating; it’s learning. Fenders come next.