Bike Nerds Unite

Recently, biking has become the fulcrum of my life. I am riding, writing and talking about it more than I ever thought possible. I am currently riding three times a week with an assortment of folks. Each ride is about 20-30 miles, nothing crazy, just super fun.

Once a week I go with Oakley. These rides are going really well. I can feel us becoming a team; our communication is improving, we are working better and better together and our mutual excitement about our trek across America is on the rise. These rides are fast and hard — he sets the pace and then yells at me that we are going too fast. We keep reminding each other that we don’t need to race across the country.

Once a week I ride with my husband Twain. These are sweet rides. They are not overly taxing and usually end with a beer somewhere. We meet after work and use them as an excuse to get away from the monotony of the work-week, pretending that it is in the name of exercise.

And once a week I ride with a motley crew of rag-tag bikers from Peaks Island, Maine, and the surrounding area. We meet every Wednesday off of the 6:15 am ferry and hit the roads before traffic builds for the morning commute. We are not trying to break any records — rather our mission is to enjoy some comeraderie and get out in the spring freshness. Anyone who wants to join us is welcome.

Being immersed in all this biking has put me in touch with all manner of bike nerds. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE BIKE NERDS! I am not a researcher, and they are my best source of information and how-to. Besides, the truth is, I love nerds of all types; bird nerds, math nerds, music nerds, news nerds, bowling nerds… Nerds are just passionate people pursuing their interests and engaging fully in them. They are far more interesting to me than those trying to be cool.

The advice these bike nerds have bestowed upon me has been incredibly varied and often contradictory. I have been told: to get toe baskets for my pedals and to invest in clip-on bike shoes; to buy Kevlar tires to avoid flats and to have Oakley become well versed in bike maintenance by repairing three flats a week; to get pepper spray for wild dogs we encounter along the way and to carry a tennis racket for bopping them on the nose; to wear chamois-lined bike shorts for protection from saddle sores and to not wear bike shorts at all in the hopes of increasing air flow to my nether-regions; to pack all my outfits in separate plastic bags to help with organization and tidiness and to only bring one change of clothes to cut down on weight. I have been told to bring parachute cloth for emergency bivouacs and to forgo a stove to reduce bulk. I have been told to increase my speed by getting ceramic bearings and to cart my dog Cricket with me in a Burly bicycle trailer. The list is endless, and I eat it up. I am sure I will follow nearly everyone’s advice at one time or another.

I have found that these bike nerds giving me tips come in multiple varieties. First, there are the Gear Head Bike Nerds. These enthusiasts have the latest and greatest available bike gear for which they have paid top dollar. They are often seen on the road covered head-to-toe in spandex with wraparound sunglasses and aerodynamic helmets. Their tires are razor thin and their bikes weigh next to nothing. They blow by me and leave me huffing and puffing in their wake.

Second, come the Hipster Bike Nerds. They can be identified by their tall dark socks and earth-toned outfits accompanied perhaps by a clever, ironic tee-shirt. They love bicycles with personality. These are the beautiful bicycles with sleek frames and subtle tones, leather wrapped handlebars, and retro saddles. Hipster Bike Nerds frequently purchase their bikes from individuals sellers and have lovingly restored them to meet their specifications and eye for the aesthetic.

Third, come the Commuter Bike Nerds. They are recognizable at a glance due to the fact that they almost always have some sort of elastic around their ankle to keep their trouser cuffs from getting caught up in their chain or getting covered with grease. They either carry a backpack or a pannier to hold their lunches and other work-related paraphernalia. Often they are seen wearing windbreakers or dayglow vests to keep them safe amongst the more inhospitable commuter traffic.

Fourth, come the Collector Bike Nerds. These people love bikes for the mechanical genius inherent in them as much as they love riding them. The often have 8 to 10 bikes lovingly stored in their sheds and garages and can pick just the right one for any given situation. They may have a bike with snow-tires, the bike they rode when they were 20, a foldable bike, a mountain bike, a racing bike, a touring bike — the full gamut. They never let a bike go but rather keep them archived with stories about their histories and significance at the ready.

Fifth, there are the Sunday-Driver Bike Nerds. These guys are only seen cycling in fine weather. They are not fast, because what would be the point? They poke-along, chatting with fellow riders and stop often to smell the roses. They can be seen cruising along on their heavy, drop-down cross-barred bicycles made for easy on/off access, complete with a basket carrying a bottle of water and perhaps a good library book. They wear overalls, linen pants, jeans or even skirts and have no concern that they may break a sweat.

Sixth, there are those folks out there who love their bikes because they are the only wheels they have. These people either don’t have a license or a car and have fitted out their bikes to haul themselves– and a great deal of stuff, around. They often are seen with converted child trailers laden with various personal belongings or shopping bags swinging perilously close to the front spokes of their handlebars. They are out rain or shine, just doing what they have to do.

Lastly, there are the Fun-Time Bike Nerds — recognized by their sturdy bikes of either the mountain or BMX variety. They are simply playing; jumping curbs, skidding out, hopping boulders, whooshing far too fast down enormous hills and generally yee-hawing throughout their rides. They are excitement-driven, full of exuberance and spunk. Their bikes are often bashed up, covered with battle scars, each a point of pride with a suitable story attached.

I am sure there are more. All these nerds really share one thing and that is simply that knowledge that bikes are awesome. They are fun, practical, environmentally friendly and good for you. Sometime this summer, a friend and I are planning to organize a bike mob. We are inviting all types of bike nerds to come together on a hot summer evening in July and take over the streets of Portland, Maine, to ride together simply sharing what we love. We are hoping for a bike mob. Bike Nerds Unite!

Details to follow. Meanwhile — keep the advice coming.