I can’t stop laughing and although I try to keep my mouth closed, the snorts are erupting from my nose in uncontrollable trumpet-like blasts. My husband Twain is sleeping beside me, or trying to, and I am crawling around our darkened tent trying to find my cookies.
I had tried to go to bed down in our little “wild camp” campsite in the bottom of Granada’s Geoparque several hours ago, but after briefly flirting with the idea of sleep my stomach had hijacked me and was demanding food before it settled down for the night. So there I was, crawling over him as quietly as possible to rummage in the panniers by our feet and find a wee snack.
Luckily, my hands felt crinkly cookie wrappers in my bag fairly easily and I stealthily extracted two dusty cookies. Dusty, not because they were dirty, dusty because they had the crumbly consistency of a sand castle. I pulled them out and placed them up by the head of my sleeping bag delighted with my work and crawled back to nibble away in peace.
As I lay down and reached next to me to grab one, I slid my hand up and down the floor of the tent and realized with a start that they seemed to have vanished. Panic stepped in. Where were they? Two crumbly cookies lost in a dark tent or worse yet, in my sleeping bag, was unacceptable. I would be crawling with crumbs for days! I felt around everywhere, along the sides of my bag, in my sleeping bag, by my head, under my pillow, at first gingerly, but then with increasing frenzy, all premises of being sneaky going out the window. “What are you doing?” moaned Twain from his semi-conscious state beside me.
“My cookies!” I whispered, “They are gone!” And that is when the hysterics came.
If I had milk with those cookies it would have squirted out my nose. My body shook like I was trying to stifle my laughter in church. The more I reached for control, the less I had. I gasped, gulped and convulsed. Twain groaned. Finally, embarrassed with myself, I lay down to tried to take some deep breaths and collect myself when sure enough, I felt a sickening crunch as my back side found the cookies and emulsified them instantly, from one hip to the other and up and down my back, grinding them into the seams of my sleeping bag and up the crack of my bum. Now I was a hopeless mess. I barked and guffawed, tears slipping down my cheeks.
On this bicycle tour, my husband and I are pedaling from Granada up over the snow capped Sierra Mountains and then descending 2,000 feet into the arid canyon of the Geoparque of Granada. We are riding along the bottom for a few days and then up and out the other side on to the town of Huescar.
The land here is comprised of carved red, white and green rock all shaped over eons by what now appears a trifling brook running through the canyon bottom providing the only water for endless groves of olive trees. The smell of olives permeates the air. They are ripe now, and the trees hang heavy with purple, bulging fruit. We pedal by processing plants that are separating leaves from fruit by the tractor trailer truck load. Both of us have tried to sample raw olives from along the side of the road and found that uncured olives are no delicacy. They taste like a combination of car tires, cat pee and bitter tannin and left a residue much like a chemical burn throughout our mouths and throats that lasted for hours.
We have have hidden our tent in one of these orchards tonight, with not a house in sight. Their are no campsites or towns near by, it is too remote and dry, just row upon row of olive, almond and pistachio trees trying to claw their way out of the rocky soil.
I am laughing at the crumbs in my sleeping bag, but also at the escape from all the responsibilities at home, the shear beauty that I am surrounded by and the delicious naughtiness that can only come from being just a little sneaky. Sleeping in this orchard and stealing cookies feels akin to pool hopping and raiding the refrigerator at midnight, something I haven’t done for a very long time.
In the morning, I shake out my sleeping bag and our tent before packing them up and starting our long climb out. We drink nasty, cold instant Nescafé out of our bicycle bottles because we are addicts and didn’t bring a stove, before realizing that I had brought decaffeinated by mistake. Call it a language barrier.
I laugh some more although Twain doesn’t think it is quite so funny, and we make our way up and out—the promise of cafe con leche at the next town along the rim fueling our feet as we climb.